Pruning my Branches

A passage I find myself being drawn back to over and over again is John 15 - The Vine and the Branches. Each time I feel invited to sit with it, it seems there is something new for me to absorb. Lately it has been the first 3 verses:

"I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn't bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken."

The pruning imagery is what got me this time. As I offer my branches to the Lord to be pruned, he asks me to name them as they are pruned. Two are snipped off, much to my relief. Then he draws my attention to a few other branches. He points out that they are connected to the vine and have their roots there, but have started growing in a direction that is not sustainable for the branch, nor in harmony with the other branches. Fruit that has not matured. Gifts I've been given that I have been trying to use independently from his purposes. For the good of the tree, the Farmer is ready to prune those branches. He has assured me that as these branches get pruned back, it will bring me closer to the Vine, and bear more and better fruit.

I hold out those branches to be pruned.
-Candice

Reflections on Being Prayed For

In the last 6 months, I have experienced a level of busyness very different from what I've been used to for the last number of years. I went back to teaching half time after being away from it for 7 years. And our family is building a house, with the move coming up shortly. All of this introduces a high level of chaos and stress into my routinely structured and peaceful lifestyle!

About 2 weeks ago, I was sharing where I was at with a friend. It was a disjointed, emotional tale. When I was through, she held my hand and prayed. I opened myself to receiving the prayer, tucking away words, phrases, scripture and feelings into my heart. Just yesterday this same friend checked in with me about how things are going, and mentioned that she has been regularly echoing those prayers of 2 weeks ago.

I reflected on the past 2 weeks. They have probably been the busiest I've had in a long time and there were certainly moments of tension and even a meltdown or two, but looking at that time frame through a lens of having been supported in prayer throughout it, I recognized God's hand on me and my family.

We don't always have the privilege of knowing when someone has been praying for us. But what if we lived today thinking that someone is or has been praying for us? How would that affect how we reflect on our days? Can we be so desperate for prayer that we're willing to believe that somewhere, someone, at some time has covered us in prayer? And can we be and do that for another?
-Candice

He Knows the Desires of my Heart

I love being struck by the wonder of God's attention to detail in my life. Twice this week he has assured me that he hears me and I matter to him. Early this week I sent out a specific prayer request to someone. I don't easily do this for myself, though I am learning to be desperate for prayer and to lay aside my pride and ask others to pray for me. By the end of the day, the situation I had asked to be prayed for had definitely made some turns for the better. Would this have happened without prayer? Perhaps. Was it worth praying about and believing God would be in that situation for me to lean on? Definitely.

The second time was just this evening when I was at a meeting and one of the group wrapped up the meeting in prayer. She felt led to pray for each person individually, and her prayers for me were exactly what my heart has been longing for lately, and I hadn't even shared that specifically with her. Once again, I felt God letting me know that he's "on it". It just drives me closer into his embrace.
-Candice

Praying God's Prayer

I so often approach prayer selfishly. I put my own agenda first, complete with requests for help, blessings and a general attitude that I know what I want to have happen and now I'm going to ask God to do all this stuff for me.

Recently I allowed him to turn that ship around again. And I was amazed at how much MORE he was ready to pour out. More insight, more help and more blessings. And I believe he's not finished revealing all he wants to reveal.

Here's a bit of the story: I don't like discomfort. There was a situation where I was confronted with discomfort, and my knee-jerk response was to ask God to remove it. But for some reason I asked: "Lord, should I pray against this?" And his answer was a clear "NO". So instead, I prayed into it, asking for his prayer in this situation.

Guess what? He had something to say about it! He showed me some of the beauty in the situation. He gave a hint of his promises within the situation. I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten any of that had I pushed through with my own agenda.

I hope I remember to pray this way more often.
-Candice

Enough and Okay

For the past number of months, two words keep returning to me as I dialogue with Jesus. I frequently am hearing "Who you are is enough and okay". This thought seems to come to me when I am praying in anxiety about something ... a meeting, an event, or anytime I feel I may be going into a situation where I would feel self-conscious, inadequate, and definitely not "enough" and "okay".

When I read 1 Corinthians 4:7ish, that promise is there. "Isn't everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what's the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need. You already have more access to God than you can handle."

Who I am is enough and okay. Who you are is enough and okay. God says so.

-Candice

7,8, Lay Them Straight

Early this summer I was having a dialogue with Jesus. I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and went to him with my cry of "help"! In my mind I had a picture of a jumbled up pile of sticks. They represented all the things I wanted sorted, organized ... laid straight. He graciously offered to take the sticks one at a time, as I named them. So I picked one up, named it, and handed it over. But he said "not that one". What?! I tried another one. Same response. I dug around in the pile. I pulled one out and named it "my relationship with you". He smiled! He took it! And laid it down gently and carefully, then proceeded to line up all the other sticks next to it until everything was satisfactorily neat and tidy.

This image returned to me today as I listened to Dar talk about putting our love for Jesus first. There is room for everything else. It will all line up after that. Him first.
Even in the last 6 weeks since I had this image, my pile of sticks has gotten jumbled again. But he's there, waiting to lay them straight again.
-Candice

Bookmark

Usually when I read, I use whatever's handy as a bookmark. Often it's a scrap of paper, a card, a tag, or a bookmark one of my kids got from a teacher. Lately I've been using one - I don't even know where it came from - with this question printed on it: "What is there about your relationship with Jesus that the rest of the world can't live without?" I've been contemplating that. It's a good question. I think I know how I would answer it at this stage in my journey. How would you answer it?
-Candice

Read the signs

Every few months, this sign is posted outside our local bar and grill in town. I've been looking at it from "outside the box" this past year, not because I want a waitressing job, but because the words are taking on a new meaning for me.

Help wanted. Apply in rest. I've been growing in awareness lately of rest being a starting point in so many areas. So many things come out of rest. And not just the resting my body type of rest, though that's good too. But resting my heart, my mind, my soul. Taking on a posture of quiet, of waiting for the still small voice of God. I was struck by the thought the other day that a moving vessel is hard to pour into.

Then there are the opening words, help wanted. That's different than saying help needed. If I want help, I've already identified that I need help, but wanting help means being open to being helped. And to be helped ... well I guess I'll have to apply in rest.
-Candice

Leviathan and the Vine

Isaiah 27:1-51 At that time God will unsheathe his sword, his merciless, massive, mighty sword.
He'll punish the serpent Leviathan as it flees,
the serpent Leviathan thrashing in flight.
He'll kill that old dragon
that lives in the sea.
2-5"At that same time, a fine vineyard will appear.
There's something to sing about!
I, God, tend it.
I keep it well-watered.
I keep careful watch over it
so that no one can damage it.
I'm not angry. I care.
Even if it gives me thistles and thornbushes,
I'll just pull them out
and burn them up.
Let that vine cling to me for safety,
let it find a good and whole life with me,
let it hold on for a good and whole life."


I love the contrasting images of God in this passage. How he is merciless against the enemy and at the same time nurturing and tender with his own. Even if his own give him thistles and thornbushes, he invites us to cling to him for safety.

When I find myself in this picture, I must ask: What is my "Leviathan"? Because I want him to unsheathe his merciless, massive, mighty sword against it. And I want to cling to him like a vine, wrapping myself around him, allowing him to keep careful watch over me the whole time.
-Candice

Invitation to Lectio Divina

Only with a slight cringe am I using this blog as a bulletin board today. I just want to get the word out as widely and as quickly as possible about the invitation to explore Lectio Divina over the next several weeks.

You are invited this Sunday (April 20) to join myself and Stepfanie Funk in learning and practicing Lectio Divina.

Lectio Divina is a means of experiencing union with God through the scriptures. We hear God’s word for us through His Word. This community was introduced to Lectio Divina by Mike Stewart at the Prayer Workshops last fall.

As we embark on a new series focusing on the book of James, anyone interested in exploring Lectio Divina will follow the scripture focus for the morning, for each Sunday of the series.

Who: All are invited to come … any and all weeks
When: Sunday, 9:30-10:30 AM each week of the series on the Book of James
Where: Café area of The eXchange
What: Lectio Divina – some group time to orient ourselves followed by some solo time to experience what God has for each of us
Please bring: a Bible (though the passage will be provided on a printout as well), a pen and journal/writing paper

Any questions, please email me at candice@seedschurch.ca.

Come and try it out!

And perhaps ... some of what comes of the Lectio Divina ... will appear in subsequent postings here ... what this blog was really created for.

-Candice

Ontario Elf

Hmmmm...seems I too received an email "from Jesus" from a lovely Ontario friend. I had an experience very similar to you Candice. It is so encouraging to receive words and prayer from others. I wrote her words in my journal and look at them frequently. Seemingly, time does not wear them out. The key for me is to receive these words, to allow them to live and take root. I have not been good at this receiving thing in the past, but as I am receiving this friend's word, it has been such a healing balm of Truth and True Encouragement.

On the other end of things, I love encouraging and praying for others but often struggle with feelings of, "Am I smothering them?" "Will they think I'm weird because I always seem to have words to share?" "Will others think I'm just trying to gain affirmation" Ugh. This is very "me" focused.

So Candice, your post spoke right into these "me" thoughts and encouraged me to send off an email I was debating on sending.

-Andrea

Share Your Prayers

Yesterday there was a message in my inbox with the subject line: To Candice, From Jesus. The sender is a friend in Ontario whom I have not seen nor talked to in quite some time. My heart skipped a beat and I smiled as I opened the message and began to read.

She had been praying for me. She asked Jesus what he wanted to say to me today and it was a wonderful message of encouragement and friendship. There was scripture to go with it, too. It spoke exactly to where I've been at lately. It affirmed some things that I have been praying into for others, and now it was turned toward me. What a gift. It was like water to my soul.

I'm grateful that my friend was remembering me in this way. And even more grateful that she put in the extra effort to send me those words.

If you've ever been privileged to know how someone has been praying for you, you'll understand how encouraging this feels. If you've ever prayed on behalf of someone, whether they know it or not, don't hesitate to pass on any Good News or encouraging words to them. It could make all the difference in how they feel about themselves and how the rest of their day goes. It's just incredibly faith-building. So be bold. Share your prayers.
-Candice

The Journey

The journey to the cross is not a one time journey. I have found that at times, like during the series on Love, the journey is a process that takes days, even weeks. Some journeys have taken much longer - years. Then there are the journeys that I have made in a single day, in a few hours, or even a few miraculous minutes. Sometimes I've even made the journey several times in a day.

That's the beauty and grace of journeying with Jesus. He'll gladly go with us every single time. As many times as we need. And knowing what's at our destination: Jesus taking all our sin, shame, pain and everything we're willing to hand over to him, and leaving it there at the cross. And we get to leave with gifts, promises and blessings.

That's a journey worth making.
-Candice

Love Never Dies

Love never dies. What an amazing, crazy, wonderful truth. As I look around me, at my own experience and the experiences of others that I've become a part of or even just aware of, it looks like sometimes Love is all there is to hold onto. Cling to. It is enough. It has to be enough. For me it must be more than enough because I can't even wrap my head around it.

So friends, we have 3 things to do: "Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love".
-Candice

Moving Forward

Today’s prayer journal question and my scripture reading for the day seemed to line up nicely.

Today's journal question: Jesus, what is drawing my gaze to you, and keeps me moving forward? To this I felt the Lord speaking to me about the soil of my heart. With fertilizers such as grace, acceptance, and forgiveness for self and others, it seems I am better equipped to keep moving forward.

“Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.”

Proverbs 4:25

-Andrea

Memories of a Foot Washing

Reading this week's scripture of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples brought back a memory of another time when I read this story. As it sometimes happens to me, I had opened my Bible to look something else up and was instead brought to this story.

I read the story of Jesus washing the disciples' feet. I remember reading it slowly, and feeling as if all my senses were awakened. I got a clear picture of what the room might have looked like, right down to the lighting, the smell of the food and the feel of the air. I saw Jesus put on the apron and pour the water, and begin moving from one person to the next. I felt the questions, confusion and discomfort of the disciples. Then I realized he was at my feet. I was not an outsider looking in, I was there.

I felt every protest rise up in me, as voiced by Peter in the story. But as Jesus looked into my face the only thing I wanted was for my unworthiness to be washed away. To surrender to all that he was offering me.

Reading Andrea's post and what she discovered in her commentary brought it all back. Pride rebuked. Love offered. The most humbling act of service provided. My Lord washing my feet.

-Candice

The Great Foot Soak

Possible Scenario:

As the disciples gather together for a meal, several of them are arguing who will be the greatest among them in heaven. As they sit down for supper, perhaps their minds are mulling over whose score is higher.

Peter is thinking, “at least I tried to walk on water, none of the others had the guts to!”.

Andrew is musing , “I did heal three dudes today, that’s gotta get me somewhere!”

Suddenly, their thoughts are interrupted as Jesus disrobes his outer coat, wraps a towel around himself and grabs a water basin.

What is this guy up to?

He’s….he’s…washing our feet?

What??!!

[insert feeling like a real winner (*note sarcasm)]

My commentary states that this act of footwashing “was a voluntary humiliation that rebuked the pride of the disciples.”

Another part states “It took [the disciples] a long time to begin to comprehend the intensity of Jesus’ love for them and the nature of his humility in dealing with them.” It blows me away that those who experienced Jesus day after day in the flesh found his love tough to comprehend!

BUT I do know he is revealing this love to us AND we are starting to GET IT!

Prayer that Jesus is answering: And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! (Eph 3)

-Andrea

p.s. any other “possible scenarios” or testimonies?

The Writing in the Dirt

I read the story of the adulterous woman again today. Nervously I asked the question, "who am I in this story?" Then I squeezed my eyes shut and waited. And I heard "You are Forgiven". Big exhale. I read the story again. Being named Forgiven seems to align me with the adulterous woman. How often have I stood and waited to be condemned by people? Expected it? Only to be forgiven by the One who does not keep score.

Something that intrigues me whenever I read or hear this story is what Jesus is writing in the dirt. One time I heard speculation that perhaps he was listing the sins of the Pharisees. But if Love does not keep score, then that does not seem to fit. Was it a prayer to the Father? Was it his love song to the woman? To the Pharisees? I wonder what he would reveal if we asked him what he was writing in the dirt?
-Candice

Love Has Completeness

Reading through to the end of 1 Corinthians 13, I was struck by the words in verse 10 about the Complete. That is God; that is Love. Looking up the word "complete" in the dictionary, I found it to mean "having all necessary parts, elements, or steps ... highly proficient ...fully carried out". So what does Love (God) have? Everything. Completeness and wholeness. And what is not complete Love/God does not have, and does not want.

Before I could get too far down the path of thinking "well, I guess then he wouldn't want me, because I'm far from complete and whole", my eye was drawn to the rest of the verse. When the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. When we call to him, he will answer (Jeremiah 33:3). He arrives. That's some Good News!
-Candice

Sure, Why Not?

I read the suggested scripture story yesterday, and just have to chuckle at the disciples' flippant response to Jesus' question that is essentially "will you follow me".

Is "sure, why not?" enough of a response? If I give such a quick answer to that question, am I really committing myself to the whole deal? Or am I missing the deeper question, as it seems James and John obviously were, and giving the quick answer in hopes to get the benefits and rewards that I'm after?

-Candice

Frenzied Encounters with Mr. Internet

Last Monday, I fasted from …(drum roll)…online shopping & emailing! When I asked Jesus why online shopping, I felt he said, “It puts you into a frenzy, it drains you, and it leaves you thirsty for more and more deals. It’s not that I don’t want to bless you in this way, but it brings out the want-monster in you. If you do shop, I want it to be from a place that doesn’t so easily become off-centered! Your email habits do this to you as well (Ouch!)…Emailing needs to come out of a centering with me that is stable.”

I felt like Jesus has been prying my fingers off of how much time I spend on the net. Last Monday was very restful for me. The gift he gave me was peace & rest in exchange for my usual frenzied online shopping/emailing. It was sobering to realize how much peace I can sacrifice when searching for all my ‘wants’!

-Andrea

What Love Has

"Love does not want what it does not have". That stirs up questions, thoughts, emotions, responses ... and challenges my thinking. Here's where I'm at - or think I'm at - with that right now.

Initially I turned it toward myself and starting thinking about some of my wants. The "illegitimate" ones like ... a different camper, new dining room furniture, a sunny vacation. Then the "legitimate" wants like peace, healing, harmony in my relationships, and children that will have a lifelong relationship with God. Then, I realized the verse, unlike the 10 commandments, does not say Thou shalt not want what thou does not have ... but Love does not want what love does not have. What's the difference? In 1 John 4:8 and 16, it says God is Love. That changes how I look at it. God does not want what God does not have.

So what does God/Love have?
I've got to sit with that one a bit. I'll let you know what I hear as the week progresses. If you join me in asking this question, I'd be interested in hearing what responses you're getting.
-Candice

Rest...

Today, the invitation is to REST!!! Yahoo...except I was up at 6, driving to Steinbach by 7 to lead a workshop I was a little nervous about :( Rest?
Well the trip to Steinbach was a complete gift. First, I saw the sun come up...it was massive and bright orange...breathtaking!
Yesterday I was driving with some folks from B.C. As we drove he just marveled at the vastness of the prairie in winter...beautiful he said!! I looked around with his eyes, trying to take my "I'm sick and tired of winter and I don't see anything beautiful about it" eyes off for a minute...and he was right...I was just thinking about what I wished I had, not grateful for what I do have (oops I'm getting ahead of myself...more on that tomorrow in worship!)

Anyway, what i meant to say was...the ride to Steinbach was restful and beautiful as I was able to take in the VAST love of God...the purity and beauty of the white snow, and even the cold that suddenly became the persevering character of God. Everything felt like it was just reflecting the awesome, kind nature of the God I follow! How lucky! How restful!!

Darlene

Simple but not easy

Asking Jesus today to show me how he wants me to follow him felt a little scary. Like asking for an action plan without knowing the assignment first. My reflection on this came sandwiched between a couple of significant moments in my day. I started the day in a bit of a frenzy. I don't know, I guess I just left too much to do in the morning before everybody had to be out the door at roughly the same time. So I fired off a quick email to a friend asking for some prayer coverage for my day, in hopes that a joint effort might bring a bit of calm into what I knew was going to be a fast-paced day.

I had a few moments throughout the day to ask this question, and wait on the response. What I got was "it's not complicated, but it's not necessarily easy". The following him part. There really was no clear picture this time, but a sense that trust is key. Trusting God, and trusting others. Hmmm ... independent me has a hard time with that sometimes.

When I got home, there was an email response from my friend. She shared a verse from Nehemiah 8:10 and it says the joy of the Lord is your strength. I sat with it a bit. Turned back a page in my journal and remembered the words of joy in Jesus' love song to me. That's my strength. I've heard those words before, but I understood them in a new way this evening. Trust God. Sounds simple but not necessarily easy. I guess that's what following him looks like for me right now.
-Candice

What to release?

Today's question...what to release???? A while ago a trusted intercessor (which is just a fancy word for someone who knocks on God's door for others through prayer) gave me a word. "Darlene, it's time to lay it down." Lay what down, I asked? That's it...no further instruction, just that it was time to lay it down, or release it. I must admit it created anxiety at first, simply because I wasn't sure what 'IT' was. And I really wanted to know! So that took me on a long, good journey of releasing. There ended up being one big thing I needed to lay down, which I won't go into today, but it's something I could do every day and there would be something I'm sure!! At the top of the list often are...control, fear,envy, insecurity, my way...the list could go on. They have insidious ways of getting into my heart and mind and what's worse, they can almost go undetected because they're not always blaring in my face. They just seep below the surface.

I've felt quite sick this winter...a record number of colds, the flu, etc. I'm tired of not feeling well. Today, when I prayed and asked God what I need to release, what I hear is to release the DEMAND to be better. It's not that it's wrong to pray for my body to feel well - I'm doing that!! And I get the green light to keep doing that. It's the "virus" in me that DEMANDS life to go my way, and the destructive anger that rises when it's not happening the way I want it to. "If I'm not better then everyone's going to be miserable, because I'm miserable" (sorry family!). So...I give up my demand to feel well and the behaviour it produces.

YOU????

Darlene

Love Song 2

Candice's post...

During the first few days after the birth of each of my boys, I "composed" a simple love song for each of them. Every night that we have been together for the past 7 and 9 1/2 years, I have sung what they call their "special song" to them. If I'm not the one to tuck them into bed, they always ask for me to come up and sing their "special song". I never get tired of singing it. I am always so glad they ask.

That was Jesus' response when I asked what his love song for me was. "I'm so glad you asked". Below are some of the words in his song to me. And just as I have a special song for each of my children, he has a special song for each of us.

When I look at you, I smile.
I dance to the beat of your heart.

I created you with such care
You are the delight of my heart.

I love it when you call my name
I am nearer than your next heartbeat.

I love looking into your eyes
And sharing the treasures of heaven with you.

Love Songs

The question in the journal for today asks what Jesus' love song to me would be about?
It's not a very comfortable thing to ponder...seems a little presumptuous to think Jesus would sing a love song to ME! It's kind of like when someone asks you to share your strengths. Ask me to share my weaknesses and I'll talk for a long time, but my strengths...I don't know if I should be able to share that so confidently.

I think that must make Jesus just a little sad....he's singin' all these great little love songs, but no one can accept them? or share them? we falsely think THAT would be prideful...but no....when Jesus sings a love song...then by golly, it's a good one...not just one of those cheesy, schmaltzy ones!!

So can I share the words Jesus would/did use in a love song to me??? (you'll have to imagine the tune)

I conceived you in love.
Never an impulse or an after thought...a mistake.
I conceived you in love

My thoughts about you fill my heart, and overflow. You're my delight.
I look at you and smile
I'm not disappointed, no not disappointed.

Come and find yourself in my love.
Let's get lost in that love together.
You'll not be disappointed, you'll not regret...
My heart gets filled with you...daughter of mine....
and so let me fill you too!

end of song!

Two lines really hit me. First, that I was conceived in love...not sure why, but that really hits me.
And...lately he keeps saying he's not disappointed. I can't figure this one out for the life of me because believe me, there's plenty I THINK to be disappointed about. But HIs love seems to be blind to all that! What a great love!

That's it for now!

Darlene

First Fast

I have been eager to fast with the Seeds community, and I admit I'm a bit curious as to who else has chosen to fast today. I am a fairly inexperienced faster, but as I think about what it's been like for me in the past, I can identify how God filled the space I created by fasting. During one fast, I was surprised by the depth and intensity of emotions I experienced. And during another, I was blessed with the opportunity to discuss fasting with my kids. And today, though they are not joining me in the fast, they accept it as perfectly normal.
Today is an interesting day for me to fast. Typical Mondays find me at home alone, going about my household routines while the rest of my family is at school and work. Today we're all home. As I've been asking Jesus the question "what do I need to lay down to get closer to you", I keep being impressed by how bound I can be by my own needs for routine and order, to the point of being rigid about it. Now I don't think I can throw all my structure and routine out the window, but I am being reminded to be flexible, patient and to be open to "what's next". And while my kids are teaching me this (yes, I've been listening the last few Sundays!) it's also like Jesus is reminding me to be flexible and recognize his movement in my day as well.
-Candice