A few days ago, I wanted to engage in a prayer exercise I learned a while back: that of visualizing boats going by and putting my "stuff" on the boats, releasing them to float away. In a bit of a desperate moment, I took something that has been weighing me down lately, heaved it onto the boat ... and watched the boat sink. What was that about?! Disgusted and disappointed, I gave up on the exercise.
My inner monk craves discipline, chunks of time, silence, and solitude to engage in prayer. My present reality gives me just about everything but that. Is it possible to pray on the fly? (and be meaningful?) To be in constant dialogue with God? When it seems so "hit and miss", is it worth it? Does this have anything to do with that boat sinking?
I had the opportunity yesterday to ask God some of these questions. Actually I started by asking "why pray?" (just curious!) Almost immediately the response was: "yes, why pray?" So I thought about listening, about intercession, about the verse I've been claiming from Isaiah (see previous post), about answered prayer/unanswered prayer ... but the peace and light came when I settled with the idea of communication with God. I thought about my richest, most valuable relationships. Communication and time spent together is key to the closeness we experience.
And about those chunks of time vs praying on the fly? Well not all my interactions with those I'm in meaningful relationship with are deep and life-changing. Some are exchanges of information. Some are quick check-ins. But all are part of the relationship.
But I wanted to know one more thing: what about the boat that sank under my burden? Well it seems I manufactured that boat. I didn't ask for it to come from him. His boats don't sink. Right.
-Candice
