I felt the need this summer to re-read the Gospels. I thought it would be a good idea to read about the life of Jesus and just get a little refresher on how he lived and what he said. I picked up a devotional book that I've had for a number of years - Solo, by Eugene Peterson. It's laid out in Lectio Divina style - Read, Reflect, Respond, Rest.
I thought I was going to be re-familiarizing myself with Jesus' life. After all, I do know all the stories, but maybe a refresher would be a good idea, and who knows, maybe I would gain some insight into some of the finer details. But, as I have consistently experienced, Jesus took this willingness to immerse myself in the Word and used it as a time to teach me about my life with him. So although I went into it thinking I would be re-familiarizing myself with Jesus' life, His plan was to re-familiarize me with my life with Him. Sound confusing? It's not, really.
So here are just a few of the areas of my life that I had opportunity to consider these past few weeks:
In Matthew 9 I read stories of healing. I took note of the areas in my life where I need healing, and read about how healing can be requested of Jesus, but also just flows from the hem of his garment. I was reminded that we can, in faith, ask for healing in various ways.
Further into Matthew, in chapters 15-17, I saw my judgmental tendencies exposed. Ouch, not pretty. But guess what? Jesus was there, ready to receive my confessions and shame and hold me in my brokenness.
Then in the book of Mark, there's a story entitled "Paralyzed and Desperate" - it's about a paralyzed man whose friends lower him through the roof of a house to seek Jesus' healing. In this story, Jesus showed me that there are times in my life when I have been in various positions: the paralyzed man who depends on others to bring him to Jesus. The friends whose faith and determination facilitates healing for another, and even the role of someone who is on the floor inside the house and observing the action.
On to Luke. I believe that if there was just one thing I was supposed to hear this summer, it is found in Luke 6:35-36 where it says "Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never - I promise - regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst." I sat with those words for several days. They still bring tears to my eyes, because they're still working their way into my heart. I cried out to God, holding the words "I promise" up to him and questioned him: Really?! I really won't regret it if I do this?? But it can be so painful! I've been hurt so often! But the words are there. They must be true. I can't say I've embraced them entirely, but Jesus has assured me that he is patient and that this is indeed what he is asking of me. Further into Luke (chapter 12) this issue is addressed again. More instruction. More promises. I feel like he really wants me to know this.
Then the book of John. Some of my favourite "belonging" passages are here, and I felt this is where I could rest after doing some pretty hard work in the book of Luke. More stories of healing, where I could find myself in the one who answered "yes!" to Jesus' question: "Do you want to get well?" (John 5:6). Stories of comfort and belonging to the Good Shepherd whose sheep know his voice and who knows his sheep by name. God won't leave me hanging. But I have to do my job of following him.
So in a rather large nutshell, that is a glimpse into my journey through the Gospels this summer. I had no idea at the outset that this is what would be in store for me. Painful realizations, joyful reuniting of my heart with his heart for me, and a renewed thirst for more of his words and promises are just a few of the things Jesus had in mind for me when I said "yes" to what was obviously his invitation to "re-familiarize myself" with his life.
I wonder what's next?
-Candice
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